This morning, as usual, I walked downstairs in a sleepy fog to make coffee, and then headed to my laptop to check e-mails and my favorite blogs. I know you’ve put your blog on hold, but I miss it so much, for so many reasons. I still check to see if you’re back. I don’t know if it’s guilt or just sadness that I’m feeling because I’m the reason you’ve put so much of your life on hold.
Looking back over the past 4 months, I’ve been on a long, complicated and difficult journey. I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my entire life, how could I be diagnosed with lung cancer? Now I understand I have a rare type that occurs primarily in non-smoking women. Not only is my life in an altered state, but sadly, so are those of my loving family and friends. It is all so new and unexpected and I think we’re all struggling to regain some sense of normal.
These days, I think of Grandma, and how she continued to knit and cross stitch even as her health deteriorated. She encouraged me, as I encouraged you and so we both started crafting with our hands at a very early age. I think crafting is a huge part of our “normal.” It can be a kind of meditation and therapy and very comforting. It is difficult to just sit and rest without something in my hands.
Now we have a surgery date and there is every reason to be hopeful that my health will return. I hope that soon you will feel more like yourself and ready to restart your blog. Even though we talk on the phone almost every day, you know there isn’t always time to talk about crafting. Isabelle can’t wait to talk to Grandma, and we run out of time. “All things Belle” gave me a chance to see your latest project and see a new picture of my beautiful granddaughters. I miss it, I miss you, I miss Isabelle and Julie…I miss normal!
Jenny, thank you for being my strength, my rock, my beautiful daughter. How could I make it without you? You are always there for me and always will be. God truly blessed me with you. Please know I am feeling stronger and more positive every day and I know that all will be well. I hope that soon you will feel like creating something beautiful and new and you will feel a sense of peace and wellness.
Love you with all my heart,