A Nation Mourns

Last Friday afternoon both of my girls were in school. My husband and I were signing papers to refinance our home and then ran to Target for some stocking stuffer shopping. We knew there had a been a shooting incident at a school in Connecticut. We didn't know children were the victims, we didn't know how many lives had been lost. After my husband left Target for work, I checked my phone for more details. In Target, pushing a cart full of little toys for my sweet girls, I received the news and bawled. 

Like many of you, I've cried on and off all weekend. I've tried to hide it from daughters and of course I've told them nothing of the news. At almost 5 and 2, there is nothing to tell them that would make sense. At 34, I can't make sense of it. 

I've held my girls close, I've kissed them hourly and hugged them tighter than they like. I've ignored every mess, stayed calm during minor tantrums, and relished their early morning wake ups. Everything that may have irked me before is a loud reminder that my children are alive. I know miles away there are twenty homes where the halls are quiet, the home is clean from children playing and parents ache with a pain

I can't fathom.

I don't know how to reconcile with this loss. I don't understand. 

I am not going to discuss gun control anywhere other than in my home. It's a complicated issue. 

What our hearts want and what our reality can be are not going to be easily met on this issue.

I pray our country can find effective ways to help those suffering from mental illness and the families that are in despair over a loss of help.

I pray that every family that suffered a loss last Friday feels our nation mourning. 

Our nation is in desperate need for healing.

If we can not see those 20 little faces lost and not hear it as a screaming S.O.S., 

I'm not sure we can hear anything at all.

Connecticut, we are mourning with you.